You stay away from lesbian love stories.
Because, girl, you don’t want to see them! You watched one once (maybe Imagine Me and You) and you vowed never again. It hurt like crazy. It made you feel things you didn’t want to feel and it mirrored what you want (deep down) in life. But you’re not ready to face up to that, so you stay away and you watch films like Love Actually instead. Ten couples and not one of them is queer? PERFECT.
You don’t admire pretty women.
A lot of girls admire other girls, but you don’t. You’re out with your girlfriends and they’re all like, “Oh I wish I had her bum/waist/hair/skin… She is SO pretty. Isn’t she pretty????” and you’re just like, “Yeah, I guess” before keeping your eyes fixed firmly in the opposite direction and desperately trying to change the conversation. If you look, your feelings might show on your face, then you will know and everyone else will know and you definitely don’t want that.
You don’t kiss girls.
You probably know a heap of girls who have kissed (or done more with) another. A lot of people have experimented in this modern world, but if you’re in denial, you might not be one of them. Kissing a girl could awaken feelings in yourself that you don’t want. You might enjoy it a bit too much and so, again, you stay away. Or you get extremely drunk and throw yourself at whoever will have you and wake up the next day feeling guilty and ashamed and confused and telling yourself the alcohol was to blame.
You make excuses for living the celibate life.
“I just don’t have that high a sex drive”, “I’m more interested in an emotional connection than a physical”, “I’m too busy for sex” ETCETERA, ETCETERA. Feeling like this obviously doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian in denial (like, come on, not everyone is obsessed with sex), but it can be a sign. Are you not doing it because men don’t do it for you and the only people who do it for you are women but you’re not admitting that to yourself?
You rarely masturbate.
If you’re a lesbian in denial, then chances are it’s going to be really hard getting off. Thinking about men isn’t going to do it for you and you won’t let yourself think about women so … you just don’t do it. Or you get a vibrator because those things are so powerful you don’t really have to think about anything.
You make jokes about being gay.
Once you get a little older, your subconscious might realize that hiding in plain sight is usually the best course of action. It’s like that dude in Love Actually says (you know the one who’s in love with Keira Knightley?): “It’s a self-preservation thing”. Wait a minute, this analogy doesn’t work at all. Because he acted like he hated Keira Knightley when, really, he loved her, and you’re acting like you love girls when really … well, you do love them. Ah well, this way is smarter. Your subconscious knows that, by talking about all your girl crushes, everyone will think you’re totally confident in your heterosexuality and no one will suspect a thing.
You grew up in a heteronormative or homophobic environment.
Do you come from a family who would disown you if you came out? Were kids at your school bullied or taunted for showing any sign of being gay? Were the only couples you ever saw straight? Were all the love stories available to you about straight couples? Did you know anyone who was gay? Yeah … if you grew up in a heteronormative or homophobic environment, you might not have thought that being a lesbian was even a possibility, and long before you started to have any kind of sexual feelings about anything, societal pressures were probably well on their way to making you think you had to be straight. Ugh, when denial starts this young, it’s a real doozy to get out of it. And people wonder how gays can live the straight life for so long. *eye roll*
You’ve never been in love.
Sure, you’ve loved, but you’ve never been in love. The kind of love where someone holds your hand and you’re like, “OH, that’s what The Beatles were on about.” Again, this alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a lesbian - love can take FOREVER to find – but it can be another piece of the jigsaw puzzle that is figuring out or coming to terms with your sexuality.
You’re tired.
Not to sound like a complete millennial, but not “living your truth” is an energy VAMPIRE. It can suck the life out of you faster than that person who just asked a horrendously stupid question at a meeting that’s already running way over time (God, they’re the worst). It’s exhausting and damaging and it can hold you back in so many areas of your life. Now, obviously, there are a lot of things that could be to blame for feeling sad and angry and not knowing why, but not being true to yourself is a complete bitch for this - and denying your sexuality is one way of not being true to yourself.
You don’t like reading articles like these.
There aren’t many articles aimed at people in denial about their sexuality, but there are a few, and if they’re good, they will make you want to shut down your laptop and never google anything again. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to push the thought out of your mind, you might wonder, “What if I’m a lesbian?”, and you’ll want something to confirm you’re not. So, you look for articles that'll make you say, “Oh, that’s definitely not me. Nope, never felt that. Cannot relate”, but if you are a lesbian in denial, the exact opposite will happen and you won’t want to read any further.
( theflyingbees.co.uk )
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